Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

Ambrose Bierce

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

Ambrose Bierce

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Ambrose Bierce

Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Ambrose Bierce

Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

Ambrose Bierce

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

Ambrose Bierce

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Ambrose Bierce

Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

Ambrose Bierce

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Ambrose Bierce

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

Ambrose Bierce

Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.

Ambrose Bierce

Doubt is the father of invention.

Ambrose Bierce

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Ambrose Bierce

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Ambrose Bierce