New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

Mark Twain

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.

Mark Twain

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Mark Twain

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

Mark Twain

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Mark Twain

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Mark Twain

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

Mark Twain

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell you see, I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Mark Twain

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.

Mark Twain

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Mark Twain

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Mark Twain

There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship.

Mark Twain

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Mark Twain

So much blood has been shed by the Church because of an omission from the Gospel: 'Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is.' Not merely tolerant of it, but indifferent to it. Divinity is claimed for many religions; but no religion is great enough or divine enough to add that new law to its code.

Mark Twain

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

Mark Twain

The rule is perfect in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Mark Twain

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.

Mark Twain

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

Mark Twain

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Mark Twain

Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.

Mark Twain

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

Mark Twain

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Mark Twain

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Mark Twain

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.

Mark Twain

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Mark Twain

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

Mark Twain

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.

Mark Twain

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Mark Twain

A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.

Mark Twain

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Mark Twain

Do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

Mark Twain

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Fortunately everybody drinks water.

Mark Twain

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Mark Twain

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Mark Twain

We Americans… bear the ark of liberties of the world.

Mark Twain

It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Mark Twain

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

Mark Twain

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Mark Twain

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

Mark Twain

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Mark Twain

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Mark Twain

Time cools, time clarifies no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.

Mark Twain

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy and a tragedy.

Mark Twain

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Mark Twain

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Mark Twain

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Mark Twain

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.

Mark Twain

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.

Mark Twain

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Mark Twain

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

Mark Twain

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one – keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

Mark Twain

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

Mark Twain

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Mark Twain

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

Mark Twain

The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.

Mark Twain

The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.

Mark Twain

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Mark Twain

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Mark Twain

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

Mark Twain